Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize