He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
