I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
