she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
