we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
