thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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