I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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