Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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