It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
