Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
