It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
