so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
