Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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