Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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