In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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