69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
