Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
