Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
