So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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