I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
