If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
