There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
