speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
