My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize