dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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