Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
two words: eviction party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
