so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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