How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
