they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize