Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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