Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
