how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
