I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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