how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need to calm my uterus...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
