God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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