Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
