I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
