there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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