My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
