Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
