i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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