Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my shit smells like andre
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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