happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i think i have herpe
just one?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
