the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
