we need to drink 2009 down the drain
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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