When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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