UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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