You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
