Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
