It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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