hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They are going to name an STD after you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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