I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
