its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
