I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
