lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize