I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
