I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
