don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
