I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
