Sry I called you an 8
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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