I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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