Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
