hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
