Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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