Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
