Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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