I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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