Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
