I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize