Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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