Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
