i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
