my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
