Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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