im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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