I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
