Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
