i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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