Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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