So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
