The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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