I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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